Forever Fifteen

Dear C,

I've finally found the perfect moniker to describe our generation of women: Adult Teenagers. Wish I could say I came up with the expression myself, but alas, I happened to read it in a New York Times article today about the dreaded fashion emporium 'Forever 21'.  For some reason, the article's author herself seemed unaware of the cultural phenomenon that she had unwittingly named, but then again, a thirty-something woman who still shops in that store is clearly in denial about many  things. For anyone else in doubt, here's a list of characteristics, to determine whether or not you qualify:

You know you're an Adult Teenager when:

1) You have your first baby, and immediately start looking round the room for its mother;
2) You are outraged by the demands of parenthood and are still looking for someone to blame;
3) You feel like the first generation of women ever to have had children, and insist on telling the world, ad nauseum, how fantastic/ fulfilling/appalling/ impossible it all is;
4) You insist on wearing low-riders, but spend the entire time yanking your top down;
5) You pretend you're shopping for your daughter while browsing in Abercrombie & Fitch;
6) Your housekeeper insists on putting away all your clean T-shirts in your pre-teen's drawers;
7) You still go to rock concerts, but you worry about hearing loss and what to do if there's a fire;
8) When something breaks down in your house, you still call your parents to come and fix it;
9) You can't help feeling you should have made it by now (whatever 'it' is);
10) You were raised to believe it was all about you, and you still believe that it is.

Perhaps the scariest part, dear C, is how our children will cope with a generation of geriatric wannabes who can't even change a light bulb.

Faithfully,

P.

Comments

[epw]

The Over 40 Adult Teenager
1)You have you 4th baby and are still carrying weight from the 1st;
2)You blame your husband for everything, especially parenthood and the extra pounds;
3)You realize parenting is an impossible job and will not be fulfillng until they graduate from college;
4) Low riders only create extra large love handles;
5) The closest you get to Ambercrombie and Fitch is the catalog;
6)You are the housekeeper and place your husband's t-shirts in your drawers;
7) A rock concert is the school science fair;
8) When something breaks down in the house you live with it until your husband has time to fix it;
9)You can't help feeling you should be somewhere else by now, like in bed;
10)You are raising children who know it is all about them;
11) The 3 men sitting at the table next to you are looking at your ass and your daughter is giggling with them.

[rbl]

epw, sorry I missed this when you posted, I was out of town and out of touch. But you just described me, sister. Why must all hip clothes accentuate the midriff? Where is the clothing designer who designs clothes for mothers who do not have personal trainers and chefs? Who do have love handles and veiny legs? All the other stuff on your list resonates for me, too, but right now I am in a clothing crisis. Getting very close to forty and still wearing the kind of sloppy clothes I have worn forever. But I do like your previous idea of hip workout clothes. Must put them on the "to buy" list. Thanks!

[epw]

rbl, isn't spring always a season of clothing crisis? This is the time of year when the failed winter diet (due to lack of personal chef) is exposed to the world and the untoned white flesh (due to lack of personal trainer)comes to light. At least there are now sunless tanners, although applying them evenly is a feat I have yet to accomplish. Good luck on you pursuit of adult threads. Just 4 short months until fall wear is in again.