Your Greatest Supporter

P,

I was most distressed to learn that your orthopedic surgery visits have still failed to diagnosis what we have known all along: there is definitely something wrong with you.  I am frankly quite surprised as my previous involvement with a professional in this field, albeit more of a marriage than an appointment, reinforced that specialty's motto: If they can't cut you up, you aren't their type.  It's hard to believe he didn't manage to schedule you for at least one exploratory surgery--even if it was only intended to remove your heart and soul.

I am, perhaps, more concerned, however, by the conclusions resulting from said visit: you need to honor what your body is telling you and avoid spicy food and alcohol.  Dare I suggest this offers very little chance of happiness in your future, besides, if I may speak frankly, when you occasionally encounter your dearest godchild, also known as my youngest daughter.  I don't mean to infer that your focus upon your needs recently has in any way interfered with that most important relationship, but imagine my surprise when I found out your own eldest had strep throat and had just nearly french kissed my most precious one.  Much like a decades old belief in exposure as the best medicine (think chicken pox b/f it too was banned by medical authorities), I'm inclined to drop dearest one on your doorstep for the inevitable onslaught of bacterial hell.  Even though it was only an exchange of gifts which precipitated the contact, I must confess my personal disappointment in the matter.  Can you imagine what it means for my own schedule if my baby is sick?

It seems I've become quite excited by this cathartic missive and can't seem to remember why I began it at all.  Anyway, it's really more important to focus upon me and mine, isn't it?  Seems my cherub's orthodontist delivered a couple dozen roses to me today upon our now weekly visit.  Either his wife has stunning business acumen, or he is intent upon engaging one or another of we mothers in a messy affair.  As I choose to imagine the latter, I will quickly pass along his contact info, and hope you will soon find yourself in his grateful embrace as I am nearly certain that your current state of malaise results from the oldballandchain failing to meet all of your most important needs.  I hope you will quickly dispose of your female orthodontist and at least consider a retainer of your own.

Faithfully,

C.   

Comments

[Vivian de St. Vrain]

Hey, where'd you go? No more desperation in dc? v.